A tiny witch has opened an unlicensed luxury skincare clinic in our cat room. She’s charging $400 for facials, her products are donated, and her receptionist is a stuffed mouse.

We’ve contacted the Better Business Bureau. She’s contacted her attorney. Meet Jennifer Kale!

Named after the fabulously sharp tongued potion witch from Agatha All Along, Jennifer has apparently decided to launch a beauty empire.

Welcome to Kale Beauty & Potions, Cranston’s newest luxury spa.

💅 Anti-Aging Facial: One aggressive lick to the forehead. $375.

✨ Deep Tissue Massage: Making biscuits directly on your internal organs. $450.

🧪 Eternal Youth Serum: Water from a stainless steel bowl. $895.

Jennifer. That’s Cranston tap water.

“It’s molecularly enhanced.”

Things got worse when Agatha requested a potion to restore her magical powers.

Jennifer handed her a bowl of Fancy Feast.

“That’ll be $275.”

JENNIFER. THAT FOOD WAS DONATED.

“Then your profit margins are excellent.”

She’s since requested imported linens, a private treatment room, and a personal assistant. We offered her a fleece blanket.

Behind this imaginary skincare scandal is one precious little girl who deserves a loving family, a cozy bed, and someone who thinks she’s perfect exactly as she is.

Please remember we do not offer same day adoptions.

Please share Jennifer before she franchises the cat room. She has no business license, no credit history, no opposable thumbs, and somehow she’s already charging us consulting fees.